If You Could Turn Back Time
by Fleeting Eternity
Summary: After all those years of regret that she did not continue her friendship with Snape, what if Lily got a chance to go back and start her life over? The choices she makes will effect everyone's future. In a season of change, anything is possible. Snape/Lily
1. Regret

Lily came walking down the stairs of her and her husband's newly-bought home with several large boxes piled up in her hands. For the past few hours she had been trying to finish unpacking, laughing at old photographs and memories she had found.

"James, could you give me a hand?" Lily wheezed through her teeth, the weight of the heavy boxes about to crush her. James immediately raced to her side, grabbed the boxes and ran back to the kitchen, dropping them with a thud on the counter.

"Lily, I told you, let _me _unpack; you really need your rest."

Lily looked down at her heavily pregnant swelled stomach. She gave a small smile, patting it lightly then sitting down at the table next to her husband.

"If I knew getting pregnant would take away my freedom, I might've given it second thoughts," Lily laughed jokingly, taking the smallest box off the counter and handing it to James.

"What's this?"

"Just some old photos I found of you and the guys."

James opened the box slowly, blowing off dust as he did so. He then pulled out several pictures of himself and his best friends: Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew, all displaying scenes of their younger selves at Hogwarts. "Blimey, I haven't seen these in ages!"

James shuffled through the photos, Lily looking over his shoulder.

"Hey, here's one from when the Gryffindors won the House Cup back in my third year!" The photograph showed the Gryffindor Quidditch team with large smiles on their faces, waving a golden trophy pridefully in the air. "Oh, Slytherin was just _so _outraged. Snivellus there had lost them the final goal." James pointed at a boy in the background of the photo with shoulder-length, greasy black hair—undoubtedly Severus Snape—getting beat up by the members of the Slytherin Quidditch team.

"He played Keeper, didn't he?" Lily asked, trying to dig deep in her brain for the answer.

"Yes. He was such a stupid git. I still don't know how the hell he managed to even make the Quidditch team in the first place!"

"Now, James…"

"They probably felt sorry for him…. Then again, I don't think Slytherins even _have _emotions, do they? So that couldn't have been the answer…Slytherins don't feel pity…"

"James, come now, don't say—" Lily was starting to relive her memories of Snape basically pouring out his soul to her in their fifth year after he insulted her. She still felt guilty about not forgiving Snape and never becoming friends again after that incident, and now was not the time to begin thinking about it again.

"I guess I pity him now, eh? No friends, no wife, no children, no family. Actually, I really don't feel sorry for him at all. Serves any man right to be alone when he's so hard to look at—"

"SHUT UP!" Lily screamed, getting to her feet, her face bright red with rage, and her eyes beginning to tear up. "How would you feel if—if—you had no one to talk to! What if _you _grew up without a family or friends, with no one to say how much they loved you! And what if you only had one safe place in the world to escape to, your school, but yet there were a bunch of bastards there to beat on him every effing day FOR JUST BEING ALIVE!"

Lily wiped her red, tear engulfed eyes on her sleeve, then began taking a few steps back, feeling she had said too much. After all those years of holding in regret, anger, and pure emotion, she felt like a nuclear bomb that had just been dropped.

"Lily…" James said comfortingly, moving toward her with his arms outstretched.

"Later, okay?" Lily said harshly, refusing James's hug and retreating back upstairs. "I've got more unpacking to do, anyway."

Lily heard the muffled sound of her name being called from back downstairs, but ignored it and began tending to the other boxes, looking for one item inparticular—a recent letter from Dumbledore.

"Ah, here it is." Lily smoothed out the folded parchment and began reading it to herself aloud.

_Dear Lily,_

_Congratulations on the baby! I along with the other staff of Hogwarts are so happy for you and James, and we know your child will be a brilliant witch or wizard, just like his parents._

_So, you want to know what's been going on around here, eh? Well, Severus Snape has just joined our staffing this year. You remember him, I'm sure? He's our newest Potions master, and he sure does live up to the name! Severus is simply marvelous at Potions._

_This school year has been running smoothly so far. Aside from Argus Filch's cat choking on an apple core the other day, not much action has been taking place. We've got a good batch of students this year, and Quidditch is looking good for Gryffindor! (Although they should probably watch out for the Ravenclaws this season—their keeper is fantastic!)_

_Wishing you the best, hope to hear from you soon,  
__Albus Dumbledore_

"So, Severus _is _teaching at Hogwarts now." Lily was glad to confirm what she thought she remembered; Lily had last read that lever over half a year ago and was beginning to forget some of the details.

And without hesitation, Lily flew down the stairs, rapidly pulling her coat over her shoulders, grabbing a quill and a piece of parchment from a living room coffee table, and opening the front door.

"Whoa, whoa!" James ran in front of his wife and closed the door. "Where are you heading off to?"

"James, I'll be back tonight, but I need to go to Hogwarts _now_," Lily said with urgency, trying to push past James and out the door.

"Hogwarts? What for? Look, Lily, I apologize about what I said before, I didn't think it would get you that upset…"

Lily felt awkward admitting that the reason she was leaving so unexpectedly was to tie up loose-ends with her "ex-friend", (even if those loose-ends were eating away at her heart), and decided to lie instead. "I'm just going to see Dumbledore. I think he may…have some old pictures of us, and I wanted to see if he wouldn't mind giving them away for our home."

James looked at Lily skeptically, knowing that she was obviously lying. But James knew from the look on her face that what his wife had to do really was important, so he stepped aside, clearing the path to the door.

But before Lily walked out of the house, James held her shoulders and kissed her forehead. "Just…_please_ be careful. I hate for you to leave the house nowadays."

Lily kissed him back, gave a reassuring wave, then walked out the door and apparated right outside of the Hogwarts grounds. From there she wrote a message to Dumbledore using the piece of parchment and quill she had snatched before leaving, saying that she was right outside the front gates and needed to get in. Lily then flagged down a passing owl and sent him on his way to Dumbledore's office to deliver the message. Within a matter of minutes, Dumbledore emerged from the castle, opened the gate, and embraced Lily upon seeing her.

"Ms. Evans, it has been too long! And, dear God, how much longer until you have that baby again?"

Lily blushed and mustered a small chuckle. "About a month, probably less."

"Well, do come in, I'd love to talk in my office," Dumbledore said, leading Lily into the castle, up the spiral staircase, and in his office where he offered her tea.

"Thank you," Lily said, taking a cup and sipping it politely.

"So, tell me, why are you here?" Dumbledore asked happily.

"Well, sir, actually…I was wondering…could I talk to Severus?"

Dumbledore placed his cup of tea back on a dish, staring at it with a vacant expression. "I had a feeling you were visiting for that purpose."

"You did?" Lily asked, utterly bewildered. "But—how—?"

"I knew about you and Severus's little squabble years ago, that's why I included him in my letter. Well, besides the fact of answering your question of 'What's new?' of course. I assumed that that's been hitting on your heart for a while now, and knowing you, you probably wanted to fix any walls between you two, even if you and Severus haven't talked in years." Dumbledore continued sipping his tea, amused by Lily's surprised expression.

"Oh. Well, um, where is he?" Lily finally asked.

"Severus should be in his classroom right now. It's where the old Potions room was, you remember, right?"

Lily nodded her head.

"Great. Well, you won't be interrupting any classes. The students just started dinner, and Severus tends to skip that meal to be alone."

"Alright. Thank you, sir, I really appreciate it," Lily said, gathering up her coat and heading out the door toward the Potions room.

"Any time, Lily. Any time."


	2. The Encounter

Lily hesitated when she finally reached the Potions room. The large, black, wooden door looked awfully intimidating and uninviting, and second thoughts began intruding her brain. _Lily, what are you doing! You're 8 months pregnant, for God's sake! This is stupid. Turn around and just go home._

She finally got herself together, pushed her fear aside, and raised one slender hand to knock on the door.

After a few moments, a deep, slow voice sounded from behind the door. "Enter."

Lily breathed an almost involuntary gasp; Severus's voice sounded much different since they had last talked in their fifth year. But of course; was she expecting any different? She once again had more thoughts of making a swift getaway.

_No, Lily, you're being silly, _she told herself. _Severus couldn't have changed that much over the years. He's still the same guy! Just open the door…._

Lily made a slow, (and still hesitant), grasp toward the door handle, turning it and finally opening the door with a loud creak. She quietly strode into the room, looking around at the new surroundings. At the head of the room was Snape, focusing hard on grading papers sprawled across his desk, and not even bothering to glance up to see who was there.

_"Ahem."_ Lily cleared her throat after figuring out that Snape was not going to pay her any attention until she made the first move.

But Snape just continued writing with his eyes glued to his work, and casually asked, "Can I help you?"

Lily gulped and held her head up high before saying, "Severus?"

Snape's eyes immediately widened with shock and disbelief. He recognized the sound of Lily's voice immediately. The way she spoke his name was a serenading lullaby to his ears, and he almost refused to lift his head, afraid that he had simply imagined her presence.

Lily could sense the ambience in the room growing tense, and just stared in Snape's direction, wondering if he had heard her at all.

After gathering himself, Snape looked up from his desk, then wore a look on his face like he was about to have a heart attack as he gazed into Lily's emerald green eyes. His eyes then moved down her body as he stared, mouth agape, at Lily's swollen belly, where James's unborn child was residing. Snape's shock greatly increased upon discovering that Lily was pregnant, and he could barely stand to look at her this way, still remembering Lily as the beautiful teenager he had, and still, deeply loved.

_She looks so…deformed, _he thought. _And…that's James's child without a doubt…. How dare he…._

Snape's eyes became a bit tearful himself. He at last stood up, rushed passed Lily, and ran through the corridor, trying to hide his tear-streaked face from hers. _Why am I crying? This is ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous! Severus, this isn't in your character…. Not at ALL. What the hell are you doing?_

"SEVERUS!" Lily called while running after him. "SEVERUS, WAIT!"

_How dare she show up after all this time…so unexpectedly…she entered my area of weakness just like that! The nerve—!_

Snape regretfully stopped and turned to Lily, revealing his blood-shot eyes and troubled expression.

"Severus, I—" Lily began, still not sure exactly what to say. Suddenly, Snape leaned in and tightly hugged her.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you," he whispered.

"Severus…I've been meaning to talk to you," Lily said, holding his hand in hers. "I know this is…kind of a delayed apology…but nevertheless—I have felt so terrible after dismissing you in our fifth year…. I treated you like a piece of dirt, and I'm so sorry. It wasn't fair, after you even begged for forgiveness, for me to never even give you a second thought. You deserved better, and it wasn't in my Gryffindor nature to treat you like I did. And I feel so guilty about us never becoming friends again, so after hearing you're working here, I absolutely had to come and work things out. So…will you forgive me?"

Snape looked at Lily, still a bit stunned from her sudden appearance, and simply nodded his head; he felt it was so obvious that he would accept her apology that she didn't need any further word on the subject.

"And I know this," she motioned to her pregnant belly, "isn't exactly helping the situation either. But maybe you and James could even—"

"James…" Snape spat bitterly, almost forgetting about James being included in the equation, "that filthy son of a bitch." He abruptly turned away from Lily, now filled with raw anger, and started walking back to his classroom.

"SEVERUS! COME ON," Lily yelled, trotting after him, growing angry about his sudden mood swings. Snape entered the doorway, turned around, and slammed the door in Lily's face without another word.

"SEVERUS, YOU CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS FOREVER! I KNOW WHAT JAMES DID WAS CHILDISH, BUT HE'S MOVED ON! FORGET YOUR PAST AND DO THE SAME!" Lily was also filled with rage now; everything was fine until he insulted her husband. And now that she had poured out her heart to Snape in an opposite turn of events, Lily almost felt betrayed.

"GO AWAY, YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS HERE," Snape yelled, starting to feel a bit immature himself.

"SEVERUS!" Lily began pounding on the door, almost breaking her hand in the process. "Don't do this, don't do this to me, Severus! It's pained me having this regret hanging over me for all these years, DON'T DO THIS! WHY ARE YOU ACTING THIS WAY?" Lily threw her back against the door and slid down, the pain increasing in her stomach as she streched to sit on the floor. James hadn't really changed that much, had he? He was still as immature as he had always been…. And on the matter of 'forgetting his past', James didn't really have an argument. What did he have to forget, that he tortured an innocent peer? James was the instigator, and sadly, Severus had been his target.

Lily was ashamed of herself—yelling and banging on door like a little child throwing a tantrum. It wasn't like herself to act this way.

Then the door opened, revealing Snape with an angry, twisted look on his face. "You want to know why I'm doing this?"

Lily stood up, making extra precautions to not put any more strain on the baby while wiping dust and other particles from the floor off her pants, trying to reclaim her dignity and act like an adult. "Yes, I would really like to know, Severus."

"Because…" Snape leaned into her face, whispering in her ear with his deep, gruff voice, his temper steadily growing, "James doesn't deserve you. The child you are carrying now could have been _mine_, perish the thought. I loved you, Lily. And then you have the nerve to show up here, in my territory, all of a sudden coming to me with a sappy, cliché apology, expecting me to accept it, and that everything from then-on would be fine and dandy. Well, Lily, face the facts, you're _wrong_."

Lily began crying once more.

"And now that I look at you, crying like a helpless child, I realize that maybe James _does _deserve you after all. You were just as stuck-up as he was! I've out-grown you." Snape turned back into his classroom and closed the door for the final time.

"Sev…!" Lily could barely breathe, much less talk, she was drowning in her own tears. Lily never guessed that trying to simply apologize to an old friend would have that much of an impact on her emotions—that she had sank so low as to begin bawling at a retort—that her and Severus's relationship had once been so strong.

She would've never guessed that she loved him.

_But he's right, _Lily thought. _He's completely right. He has every excuse to be mad at me._

Lily slowly made her way back up to Dumbledore's office, barely making an effort to lift her feet of the ground; other more important things were on her mind.

When Lily entered Dumbledore's office, it was as if Albus had just been there himself, listening to Snape and Lily's argument. He was very quiet and solemn, almost reserved, and looked toward the ground.

But before Lily had a chance to open her mouth, Dumbledore spoke. "I'm sorry."

Lily looked up from her lap, not even bothering to ask how he knew things went wrong. _I guess my tears are a good indication, _she assumed.

"Here." Dumbledore leaned toward Lily and placed something in her hand, patted it gently, then sat back again.

When Lily opened her hand to look at the object, she recognized it instantly. "A…Time Turner?"

"Yes, but with a few minor changes," Dumbledore answered, not bothering to continue.

"Well…what's it for? What's different about it?" Lily asked, still confused.

"I think you know," Dumbledore said with a wink. "And…what's different? You'll figure it out."

Lily turned over the Time Turner in her hand, occasionally running her fingers up and down the golden chain, when finally, the purpose for it finally clicked in her head.

"Wait…" Lily said, hardly believing her thought could be true, "you don't want me to…?"

"Go back," Dumbledore finished, rather commanded. "Go back. Lily, I know you have regrets. I know you loved Severus, even if you didn't know it yourself. I know this weighs heavy on your heart. But if you need, go back. I trust you."

Lily could barely speak. "Go back? You mean, change the past? Albus, I can't do that, I can't just 'go back'! That would change everything!"

"'Change everything?' Well isn't that the point, to change the decisions you've made?"

"But…" Lily placed a hand on her stomach. "What…what about…?"

Dumbledore placed a reassuring hand on face. "Your child?"

Lily didn't respond.

"That's why it's your choice."

Lily thought it over in her head. If she could just go back in time, go back to _that _day, she could make everything right. Then Severus and her would stay friends, she could settle the difference between him and James, and then there would no longer be any doubt or angst. Then she would easily return to the future! Her baby would still be there, her and James would still be married.

…Or at least, that was her _original _plan.

"I'm going back."


	3. Fireflies

Lily shielded her eyes from the blinding light emanating from the Time Turner. The last thing she saw before the light appeared was Dumbledore silently mouthing, _Good luck._

The scene dissolved as a new one appeared. Lily blinked a few times before fully reopening her eyes; she was in the Gryffindor common room.

"Hmm," she said, looking around. Lily quickly fumbled to clasp the Time Turner around her neck as she heard foot steps approaching.

"Ms. Evans?" sounded a familiar voice. Lily looked behind the couch she was sitting on and saw Professor McGonagall staring down at her.

Lily shuddered. "Professor…I know this must look strange, but please allow me to explain—"

"Ms. Evans, there's no need to explain, just get to your bed—and don't let me catch you up late again."

Lily's eyes widened. She looked down at her new body—or rather, her _old _body. She was more slender; her pregnant belly had vanished.

_How did I not notice?_

Lily stood up and stretched, trying to regain the feel of being several pounds lighter again. _This must be the difference Dumbledore was talking about…. Instead of simply going back and seeing my younger self, I actually _become _my younger self!_

Lily stopped examining herself once she caught sight of Professor McGonagall staring at her with a confused expression.

"Er, sorry," Lily said, her face burning.

"Bed. Now." McGonagall left without a backward glance.

Lily gathered what were apparently her school books on a table in front of her and began walking up the stairs, when suddenly James descended from the boys' staircase.

"Well, look who it is!" he said, bounding up to Lily. "It's not like you to stay out late, Evans. Hanging around with me too much, I'm sure?"

Before Lily could reply, James continued.

"Keep it up." James winked at her before retrieving his stray book from atop the fireplace and bounding back up the stairs.

Lily kept replaying the scene in her head; it was strange seeing James so young again. Being fifteen seemed like ages ago.

Another voice snapped Lily out of her day-dreaming trance. "Lily!" A fifth-year witch with black hair swept into a high ponytail approached her. "There you are! The girls and I are playing exploding snap upstairs, come on!"

"Um, okay." Lily followed after the girl, remembering her to be Kelsa Barlow, a good friend from Hogwarts.

* * *

_A group of three girls sniggered around the edge of the lake, pointing at four boys emerging from inside of the castle._

"_Oh, Sirius...we'll be married one day, you just don't know it yet."_

_A girl with white hair up in a bun, Skye, nudged her a bit, laughing. "Don't kid yourself, Kelsa. He's way out of your league."_

"_More like the other way around," Lily muttered to herself, toying with a discarded tree branch, drawing in mud near the surface of the water._

"_Oh be quiet, both of you," Kelsa said jokingly, her eyes now focused on a dark-haired boy that was playing with a snitch. She sighed lovingly. "You're so lucky that James likes you, Lily."_

_Kelsa and Skye giggled quietly._

"_What a jerk, look at him with that snitch. He thinks he's the greatest thing in the world, James does," Lily growled, disregarding every word her friends had just said._

_"He's got an excuse to be cocky, though. He's one of the best Seekers Gryffindor's had in a while," Skye commented, her eyes now flitting to Remus Lupin._

_"And, oh my gosh, now look what he's doing!" Lily said, her voice beginning to rise. "He's bullying Severus again!"_

_Lily's two friends remained silent; they preferred to stay away from Severus and didn't really care that he was beat on, but they knew how the matter angered Lily._

_"And now they're…what is that…stunning him?" Lily's anger continued growing._

_"If it bothers you so much, why don't you go put a stop to it?" Skye suggested, looking to Kelsa for support._

_Lily stood up, a menacing look in her eyes. "I will."_

"Lily…Lily…"

"_Leave him ALONE!"_

"Lily…"

_"All right, Evans?"_

"LILY!"

Lily awoke with a start, her heart pounding silently inside her chest. "Wha—what is it?" She awoke from her flashback to see Kelsa Barlow standing over her.

"It's Severus; he's outside the portrait of the Fat Lady. He's been making quite a ruckus for about an hour now…. He says he'll refuse to leave until he talks to you."

The day was coming back to Lily clearly now. Now was her chance to make everything right. She grabbed a light coat and wand from her trunk.

"Let me talk to him."

Kelsa led Lily down the stairs into the common room.

"SEVERUS, GO AWAY! IT'S LATE, LILY'S ASLEEP!" she heard a girl yell; it was Skye.

"NO! I'LL STAY OUT HERE ALL NIGHT IF I HAVE TO! JUST LET ME IN!"

Skye turned around, losing her temper and completely angry. "Lily! Don't worry, go back to sleep. McGonagall should notice his shouts soon enough and get him out of here."

Lily walked passed Skye and opened the portrait of the Fat Lady. Snape had his fist drawn back, ready to bang on the painting again, but stopped abruptly when he saw Lily emerge from behind.

He blushed and stared at his toes. "I'm sorry."

Lily looked at him and smiled as an idea struck her. "Follow me."

Severus looked taken aback; it was definitely not the reaction he had expected. He followed close behind her. "Um…where are we—?"

"Shh," Lily said. "Just wait."

"So…you forgive me?"

"Yes, now just _shh!_"

Snape's eyes immediately lit up and a smile stretched across his face. He remained silent as Lily led him through the Forbidden Forest, (but he couldn't help wondering where the heck they were going.) Finally, the pair stopped in front a line of trees that lead to a clearing in the wood.

Lily turned around and smiled. "I want to show you something." She pulled Severus through the trees, leading into a giant field filled with hundreds upon hundreds of fireflies.

Snape was at a loss for words. "My God…"

Lily grinned. She had accidentally stumbled upon that clearing in her first year while exploring the Forbidden Forest.

They walked out into the middle, gazing at the brilliant light show courtesy of the bugs. A few landed on Lily; she cupped them with her hand and looked inside, marveling their light against the darkness of her grasp. A couple more landed on Severus's shoulder; he laughed softly.

"Well…?" Lily began.

"What?"

"Wanna catch some?"

Snape looked confused before Lily picked up a branch, tapped her wand with it and chanted, _"Engagio Netsia." _The branch she was holding transformed into a butterfly net.

"You can catch fireflies with butterfly nets?" Severus inquired. "Wouldn't they just…fly out through the holes in the net?"

Lily tapped the net again with her wand. _"Incasen." _It glowed purple. "Now whatever flies in it will stay there."

"…That works." Snape performed the same spells on a branch he found.

Lily and Severus ran at full speed on the count of three, trying to catch as many fireflies as possible before reaching the end of the clearing. Their laughs echoed off the tree trunks when they realized how much fun they were really having. Sometimes a break from the world is the thing a person needs most.

"Woo hoo!" Lily sang as she tripped over a small rock, falling gently on her back and rolling through the soft grass. She laughed even harder. _It's nice to have fun again. _Lily hadn't felt the care-free pleasures of a child's life in such a long time.

Severus immediately joined her, sitting by her head and releasing all the fireflies captured in his net at once. The cloud of light created by the fireflies was so large that Severus and Lily felt as thought they were staring into a miniature sun. Both of them were breathing heavy after a full-out sprint.

Lily looked over at Snape. "I'm glad we're friends."

Severus smiled. "Me too."


End file.
